NO MORE INSOMNIA!!

This post is dedicated to all those who have insomnia ... I read so much to make my list ... in which I promise myself not to have insomnia anymore ...

Environment for Sleep
1) Luminosity
 - Our body metabolism will have better hormone generation in dark , so it is really important to keep our room dark while our sleep from 10 to 2. But it is advisable not to be completely dark, possibly a dim light will do

2)Tidiness
- If our room is messy, our subconscious mind will make us feel unsettled. So please sleep in a tidied room

3)Smell
- It is important that your room is aired, as in great air circulation. You can use some scented candle( e.g. lavender or jasmine smell ) to aid sleeping

Things to avoid for better sleep
1) Caffeine
- Drinks like coffee, tea or chocolate should not be consumed during the evening, it stimulates you during the night

2) Alcohol
- It may seem you are drowsy after consumption of alcohol but you are not getting the quality for sleep you ought to have

3)Eating too much or too little at night
- Your digestive system should be resting while you are sleeping, but starving in bed will make it hard for you to fall asleep

4)Watching TV/computer at night
- These could stimulate your brain or eye, in which make you excited at night

5)Discussing emotional issues in bed
- These includes distracting activities such as work. We ought to separate our bed from our working desk, otherwise your subconscious mind will get messed up and thus you are thinking of work in bed

6) Long nap
- Nap should be 20 to 30 minutes, any longer will keep you awake at night

Things to eat for sleep
1) Calcium magnesium
- These helps in relaxing your nerves

2) Milk
- Has tryptophan which is a natural sleep promoting chemical

3) Commomile tea
- 2 hours before bed aid in falling asleep, good brand e.g Twinning

Do's for sleep
1) Keep a regular sleep pattern
- Body will easily fall asleep if it is in a habit, tune your internal bioclock ... make it a habit to sleep at 10 and have a round 8¬10 hours of sleep


An hour before sleep( Preparation for sleep )
*Combine at most 2 of the following
1) Relaxation music
-You can try getting sleeping music from youtube. Your selection of songs should be sentimental, soft. You could also try classical songs, nature sound like whales/ bird chirping

2) Light reading
- Read something which bores you , fiction stories are great selection for night reading as they are similar to dreams, in which makes you feel like you are already sleeping

3)Hot bathe
- A hot bathe makes you sleepy(blood circulation) but a cold bathe makes you refreshed. You can even try hot bathe with only your bare foot

4)Body scan method
- Lay on your bed and increase attention to your body. Feel the sensation with your eyes closed. Release the stress and pain whenever you feel in your muscle

5)Get out of bed if you can't sleep for 30 minutes
- Do not try too hard to fall asleep but do stuff which relax your mind or body when you could not sleep

And hopefully, no more insomnia for me in the future !!

关于我读书的秘密

这个post会述说我这些年, 读中学, 读大学是如何读书的.
虽然我的成绩不是数一数二, 但想分享一些心得...

首先要说,我是一个完美主义者, 所以这些步骤都请拿来做参考, 因为也许不是很实用

这里先要把科目分成三中,
第一是文章科, 这包过语文,经济, 最重要的部分莫过于写文章,但看的是你个人的意见,没有黑白分明的对错
第二是理解科, 这包过数理,电脑coding,accounting,人家已经设定好答案,所以只有对错,没有灰色地带
第三是死背科,这不需要自己的想法,也不必先理解,只能跟着死死地背

这里分7个阶段

第一(分裂split)
把读一样科目分成可以用不同的方法来学习, 用看和听的,观看video; 可以读书,也可以做历年考题,人体每一个部位都有属于自己的记忆,所以把读一个科目分成至少两种方法或工作,第一个做累了,就可以做第二个
除此以外,读的东西要分明是哪一个部门,因为书本和笔记往往分得不是很明确,分了就容易一目了然知道这部分说什么的

第二(列出list)
把所有可能关联的事物都写下来, 比如要写文章,要从网上记录完可能要写的事物,才决定写文章.背的科,就写完所有可能出的题目,以便容易做自己的笔记
比如一个课题有几个要点,就要自己帮他们numbering,回想时也较容易记得整个科文

第三,四(问与答,ask&answer)
这是读书最要得的精神,你要有疑惑,自己问why,what,so,how,然后就自己再找答案,这对于数理非常重要,若自己没问,课本的东西就只死背.
要问,为什么A导致B,C的原因是什么,然后再找答案,自然不需要背就记得了原因

第五( 整理arrange)
你列出完了,就要整理次要,这是为了方便下一个步骤

第六(present)
整理好了就写出自己的笔记

第七(读read)读自己写的笔记永远最容易入脑

Example 1:
I have a pure mathematics exams, it will be really dry if I read directly because I won't understand the flow ...
So 1st I split my notes into definition and possible answers, 2nd I list out defition and theorems in sheet A, also list out all the possible questions coming out in sheet B,
The 3rd step,for each question I ask why step A leads to step B, and answer then while reading through my notes, then I realize how each definition or theorem fits in the context, by this way I understand the flow of my answers. I would easily do this question if the same question comes out in exams.
The 5th step, I arrange which definition or theorem or question to put first in my notes, I need to arrange till when I read my notes, I can easily find the thing I want
The 6th step, present my notes by writing them down
Final step, I have created a notes which is easily absorbed by my brain ....

Example 2:
Here I have an essay about GE13
1st I need to research online fully so I know everything about GE13, thus I know what to write when I'm given a specific topic. So I split the big topic into a smaller topics to research, i.e the candidates, SPR, type of voting, e.t.c
The 2nd step I list out all the source of my information, i.e. newspaper
However newspaper information may not be complete, so I ask questions on the stuff I read, so I can once again research online, and answer all the question, i.e. step 3 and 4th step
On each topic, I arrange the information brought up in each point depending on my received information ...
Possibly I arrange my candidates so that first are repeating candidates, or I arrange them based on area
the 6th step I present everything in front of me so I can easily refer back
The final step, I write by essay with my information received

牢狱

这会是我最私人的故事，也是我最真诚的声音。这几年的思考，也随着时间的流失，我如今才明白，我为何那么痛苦，那么愚昧。还记得我那么多歇斯底里，伤心意绝的post。还记得我思考地那么多，也同时多么多负面的情感。

我还是我，但今天我明白了自己多一点。这一切要从我中学时候说起

当时我非常了得吧，赢取了那么多的数理奖项，也发表了一些引人共鸣的文章，我为校争光，家里放的奖杯和奖状都堆成了山。

到了长辈和朋友面前，总是听到很多很多的赞美，说我有多聪明，有多文武双全，办事能力有多强，成绩有多好，有多礼貌，有多谦虚，有令人多么羨慕，多么尊重。在这么高的位置，什么高二四少，什么马来西亚euclid第一名，什么马来西亚 top 5% 的学生,什么天才，什么与同辈人成熟不一样，我在你们这些朋友和长辈面前是什么 ... 给这些赞美是为了什么 ... 我眼中的你又是什么 ...

当然这一切的成就，不是必然的，我背后有多么努力，有时成功，有时失败。但是我的努力背后是牺牲了好多的事情，牺牲了我那么多段的爱情，牺牲了做一切东西的乐趣，牺牲了照顾自己的时间。我不会明白什么是享受人生，因为在大家的眼里，也变成了在自己的眼里，只有成就和被人尊敬最重要。所以我的生活模式只是努力争取成就，帮助求助的朋友，为的只是“保持”我在你眼中的我 ...

活着为了证明这点是多么地累，生命除了成就以外是沒有乐趣的 ...

这个社会模式是如此，我也是如此，別人把你放在高高在上的位置，我也会把有些人放在高高在上的位置。在我眼中有兩位，那就是翔麟和Daryl Chia ..  兩位都是比我成就来得高，但我看到比成就还重要的东西吧，翔麟有成就后懂得感谢帮助过自己的人，尊师重道，对自己的价值观抓得很紧，最重要是开朗面对人生。而Daryl Chia 的成就更了得吧！比我大三岁，考完了PRM,CAIA,FRM,CFA part 1, 全是金融 certificate；还有 Morgan Stanley summer intern , 每年投资賺率上万，但重要是谦虚学习，做事很有毅力，乐于传授自己的知识。两位都是多有成就却多不骄傲的人啊!

或许你对我所敬佩的人不敬佩，那是因为你我所在意的事情不同吧！当然，在这么高高在上的位置有多辛苦，撇开爬得更高不说，单单想要“保持”你所拥有的就已经是无形大的压力... 因为成就是无尽的 ... 现在是 course 里top 5%, 拿到internship, 然后是进到別人梦寐以求的公司，然后是在市场上开个不了得的公司或诊所，然后是在社会上做个有贡献的人，让人尊敬，回馈社会，帮助社会。这一步一步的计划都塞入了我的大脑，因为只有成就和努力完成目标最重要。

但这些天我住在Daryl Chia 的隔壁，我看见了强化的自己，不断地舍下目标，昼夜努力完成，完全没有娱乐，除了吃睡就是目标(study and social in finance) ... 他为的是什么？我又为的是什么？为了证明我自己的生命有价值。

当然我看见他的朋友群更强，毕竟他毕业于 Singapore raffles ... 一群朋友在 top uni , Harvard, Princeton etc 成就也比我朋友群来得强。我想说这是一种病态，社会给了我们的病态，因为只要没有跟上我朋友们的脚步，我就等于失败，或着是我自己归纳自己为失败的人了。

因为我曾经努力过，争取过，拥有了这一切成就才对我那么重要吧！从那么高的位置，从觉得这么有价值的生活看下去是多么地可怕，我害怕失去这一切，害怕失败，就连平常生活也是失败。听说过天才的故事吗？曾经华丽的高高在上，被人羨慕的眼光，如果以后一事无成是多么可怕的。因为那是他生命里活着唯一的原因。没有了原因，就沒有了价值，失去只等于苦海。而有些天才不再有成就了，只能平平凡凡地过着，心里还是活在当年自我优越感的时候。

活在恐惧中，每天害怕自己不能再继续优秀就是我的牢狱。我看透了这个牢狱，拥有后害怕失去的枷锁。

我也看到了这个世界上同样的牢狱。为了爱情不惜牺牲自己的人，失去爱情后就被关在了牢狱。

一个在二十来岁很抢手的女生，生命却沒给到他一个幸福的緍絪，那是多么可怕的牢狱吧！

拥有了一些平常人沒有的东西，就变成重要，失去是种压力

我或许还沒失去我的一切，但却活在了恐惧中。我设的目标只能达到不能失败。我的心是如此残缺，只能接受成功，不能接受失败。沒有了成就，生命就一文不值了。

挺境啊！
过去心不可得，现在心不可得，未来心不可得。

为了保持这可笑的价值，我用尽了全力达成这些成就。因为这害怕失去的声音，我反而不能专心达成目标吧！

挺境啊！
为什么別人可以成功我就不可以？是我不够努力吧！是我懒，只会 procrastinate 吧！我那么想努力却为何越不能专心得努力！

我不能接受失败，不能接受随缘，我相信不成功是因为自己不够努力！

这个声音，是我争扎却逃不出的牢狱。

What is so attractive about it?

Here's what I see in today's society , maybe not the whole society , but the society whom I'm living in. Everyone having a really a clear goal, striving for it and that seems to be their only purpose.

What goals am I mentioning ? Having good grades in university. Well that's basically what we are at now right? If that's not one of my goal then I must be totally absurd.

But what's more do I see .... Everyone asking around what internship are you having , then what placement and offers do you get .... Then later on people will ask what field do work in , then what area in common you have with them , then how is your pay !!!

Maybe this seems really normal to you , because I see so many people wanting to get a job in London because they think the standard of living and pay here is way better than other .... And then so many people want to get into investment banking because they say you earn lots of money in that field .... And they say you should get into top investment banks like JP Morgan , Morgan Stanley UBS .... Because you get even more pay , higher than average ....

Well up until now you think it is a norm to be thinking like that .... Stuff driven by money, pride and status .... And I assure you that I'm not any less goal orientated and realistic person than you are .... But all these are driving me crazy .... Why are people rushing towards a direction because everyone is rushing towards it .... Why don't people even think before making these their choice as default ... But I just don't want my life to be so dull ... Doing something without a clear purpose ...

All these are the effects of capitalism and I feel how sad about the system... I was raised in a place oriented in such system ... And am really happy to be not in the group where friends aren't even motivated about their life but only in relationship and gaming ... But will be even happy if I could control over this capitalism system instead of being controlled over by it ....

Think .... About values that are even more important .... Contribution for you own nation , self satisfaction from your commitment, passion and motive for your being ... Those may be the right place where you initially belongs , before the twist of fate from our dear society